Is It Laziness, Depression, or ADHD? Understanding Executive Dysfunction in Women
You told yourself you’d do it an hour ago. You even put it on your list. But here you are—staring at the dishes, the unopened email, the project you know matters—still not moving. And now, on top of the overwhelm, you’re wrestling with something heavier: the question of what this says about you.
Am I lazy? Am I depressed? What’s wrong with me?
If you’ve ever asked yourself those questions through tears, panic, or sheer exhaustion, I want to pause here and tell you something you may not have heard enough: you are not lazy, broken, or failing. What you might be experiencing is executive dysfunction—something incredibly common among women with ADHD, and wildly misunderstood.
Let’s talk about what that means, how it gets misread, and what can actually help you feel supported instead of stuck.
What Is Executive Dysfunction?
Executive functioning is like the brain’s management system. It helps us do the everyday things that keep life moving: plan, prioritize, start, organize, remember, and follow through. When this system isn’t working well, we call it executive dysfunction—and it can impact every part of your day.
It’s not about being unmotivated. It’s about hitting invisible barriers where most people expect you to “just do it.”
Here’s how it might show up:
You know exactly what you need to do, but you feel mentally frozen when it’s time to start.
You begin tasks but get derailed halfway through, not sure how to get back on track.
You forget the one important thing—even with reminders.
You live in a constant loop of guilt: “Why can’t I just do the thing?”
This isn’t laziness. This is your brain signaling it needs support, not shame.
Why It’s Not Laziness (Even If It Feels That Way)
Let’s get this straight: laziness is a judgment, not a diagnosis. It implies you don’t care or aren’t trying. But if you’re reading this, chances are, you care deeply. You’re trying constantly. And that inner frustration—the one that says “I should be able to do this”—is evidence of how hard you’re working to meet expectations your brain isn’t wired for.
ADHD-related executive dysfunction is exhausting, not effortless. It often includes:
Mental gridlock: You want to act, but can’t seem to start.
Perfectionism paralysis: You’re afraid to begin because it might not be “right.”
Emotional overload: The task feels so overwhelming you shut down before even trying.
It’s not that you’re choosing not to act. It’s that your brain is literally struggling to bridge the gap between intention and action. And that experience is real, valid, and deserves compassion—not criticism.
Could It Be Depression Instead? Or Both?
Depression can also look like difficulty getting things done.
It can involve:
Low energy or persistent fatigue
Feeling disconnected or numb
Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
A sense that nothing matters, so why bother?
The overlap between ADHD and depression is real—and confusing. Many women with undiagnosed ADHD end up diagnosed with depression first (sometimes for years), because it can feel similar from the outside.
But here’s a key difference:
With depression, the task often feels pointless or joyless.
With ADHD, you may feel a desire to do the thing—but still feel mentally blocked or paralyzed. You may even feel shame or anxiety because you care so much and still can’t follow through.
And yes, it’s absolutely possible to have both. If you've spent years struggling with unrecognized ADHD, the toll it takes on your mental health can lead to depression or burnout. This is especially true if you've internalized messages that you're "lazy," "messy," or "not living up to your potential."
How ADHD Often Shows Up in Women
ADHD in women doesn’t always look like hyperactivity. It often looks like:
Emotional sensitivity or "overreacting"
Forgetting small things, then spiraling into self-criticism
Struggling to follow through even with best intentions
Chronic overwhelm, perfectionism, or burnout
Masking—spending so much energy trying to appear on top of things
Because these signs can be subtle or misattributed, many women don’t realize they’re dealing with ADHD until adulthood. By that point, the shame has often been building for years: “Why am I like this?” “Why is everything so hard for me?” “Why can’t I just try harder?”
If that’s been your inner dialogue, please know: you’re not alone. Your brain isn’t broken—it’s just wired differently. And once you understand how it works, everything begins to make more sense.
What Actually Helps (When You’re Stuck in Executive Dysfunction)
If this all sounds familiar, here are some tools I use with clients to gently navigate executive dysfunction—without judgment, without pressure, and with your unique brain in mind:
→ Break tasks down. Even more.
When your brain sees a mountain, try creating stepping stones.
“Clean the kitchen” becomes “clear the counter” becomes “move the cup.”
Tiny tasks = big momentum.
→ Move your body to shift your brain.
If you feel frozen, try shaking off that stuck energy—literally.
Dance to one song.
Walk around the room.
Do a few jumping jacks or shake out your hands.
Activating your body can help signal safety to your nervous system and kickstart movement.
→ Use external structure.
Your brain isn’t unreliable—it just needs support. Tools like:
Visual timers
Verbal cues or body doubling
Reminder apps or written task maps can help anchor you in time and reduce overwhelm.
→ Try Internal Family Systems (IFS)
IFS, or parts work, helps you explore your inner world with compassion.
Meet the part that procrastinates.
Get curious about the part that panics.
Build connection with the part that wants to succeed.
No part of you is working against you. They’re all trying to help—you just haven’t been taught how to listen.
→ Explore EMDR Therapy
If your task paralysis is tied to shame, failure, or past trauma (like being punished or criticized for struggling), EMDR can help gently reprocess those experiences—so you’re no longer frozen by the past.
Why Working With the Right Therapist Matters
If traditional therapy has left you feeling misunderstood—or worse, like the therapist thinks you’re lazy too—please don’t give up. The problem isn’t you. It’s the framework.
I’m Nicole Mendizabal, a trauma-informed, neurodivergent-affirming therapist based in Miami. I specialize in working with women who feel overwhelmed, disconnected, or constantly at war with themselves. If you’re navigating ADHD, anxiety, or the emotional weight of always feeling “behind,” I want you to know—there’s a reason it feels this hard, and it’s not because you’re doing something wrong.
Part of what makes a difference in healing is looking at the full picture—not just your symptoms, but your whole self.
That’s why I take a holistic approach to therapy. We explore how your environment, daily rhythms, nervous system, and even nutrition or sleep might be impacting your ability to function.
→ Maybe your anxiety gets worse when you’re overstimulated by noise, or your motivation plummets when your routines don’t match your natural energy cycles.
→ Maybe you’re trying to focus when your body’s actually crying out for rest.
When therapy supports both your mind and body, you’re more likely to experience lasting shifts—not just quick fixes.
I offer:
Online therapy across Florida
EMDR and IFS sessions
In-person and weekend therapy intensives in Miami
We’ll move at your pace—with tools that feel supportive, flexible, and actually designed for how your brain works.
Learn more about therapy for ADHD here!
Learn more about EMDR Intensives here!
You’re Not Lazy—You’re Doing Your Best With an Invisible Load
If no one’s ever told you this: You are not lazy. You are not broken. You are doing your best with a brain that was never built to thrive under impossible expectations.
Executive dysfunction doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you need care that meets you where you are.
If you’re ready to stop blaming yourself and start exploring support that actually fits your life, I’d love to chat.
Looking for an ADHD therapist in Florida who can help you feel supported instead of stuck?
Take your first step towards understanding your brain with more clarity and compassion—so you can move forward feeling grounded, not ashamed.
(Florida residents only)
Do you feel isolated in your neurodivergent experience and long for a space where you don’t have to explain yourself?
My virtual group for AuDHD adults in their 20s and 30s is designed to help you unmask, heal, and belong.
About the author
Nicole Mendizabal is a Hispanic therapist based in Miami, providing online therapy throughout Florida. She specializes in helping women navigate trauma, ADHD, anxiety, autism, and the challenges of perfectionism. Nicole also offers EMDR therapy intensives, creating a focused and supportive space for deep healing and meaningful progress. Weekend and in-person sessions are available for Intensives only.
